Best Funny Husband Wife Jokes

Marriage in which one person is always right. And always right and another person is husband.

Husband says to his wife: You will never find man like me.
Wife to husband: What makes you think i need another man like you.

Husband 1: What makes you join army.
Guy 1 2: I loved army and war and had no wife. What about you.
Husband 2: Well i have wife. And i wanted peace. So, i joined Army.

Once Banta was sitting with his wife and eating chicken.
Her wife gave him leg.
After watching this Santa told: If my wife is also here. Then she also give me legs.

Husband asked her wife: Can you survive in this small income.
Wife to husband: Sure i am, what about you?

Wife to husband: If i climb the mount everest what you will do???
Husband: Push.

Once husband and wife had fight. And they are not talking to each other.
Husband left one note in his table. Besides we had a fight. Woke me up at 5.
Next day husband woke up at 8. And note was there on the table.
Wake up it is 5 O clock.

Husband to wife: Will you re marry. If i die.
Wife: I will live with my sister.
Wife to husband: Will you re marry. If i die.
Husband: I will live with your sister.

Husband to wife: I invited my friend for lunch.
Wife: What the whole home is in mesh.
Husband: I wanted to show him all this. because he wanted to marry.

Wife: I am fat, ugly and wrinkles.Will you still going to give compliments to me?
Husband: Your eye sight is still excellent.

Husband was crying on his ex husbands grave why??
His friend asked why you are crying?
Because his ex husband ruined his life.

Wife: If i dismiss the cook and make food for you for month. Will you pay me??
Husband to wife: Sure my life insurance will pay you.

Wife: How much you love me?
Husband to wife: I can drink even your poison also. If you don't trust test me in evening.

Husband and wife had enough fight and after wife was very angry and told. I am going to my parents house and give you a divorce.
Husband to wife: Don't try to please me talking sweets things.

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Funny Santa Banta One Liner Jokes

Santa married: He asked her wife.
Dear do you think we able to survive in such a small income?
Wife: I can, but what will you live on?

Santa singh: Why no you watering the garden?
Servent: Sir, it is raining.
Santa singh: So what take umbrella and go.

Santa singh got baby after 15 years of his marriage.
Banta singh: Why you are soo sad?
Santa singh: after 15 years the baby is soo small.

Banta singh asked to santa singh: What will you advice to your children about marriage?
Santa singh: I will never marry in my life and same adive will give to my childrens.

Santa Singh and Banta singh saw auto in his life first time.
Banta singh: Look how small is tanga.
Santa singh: And looks like donkey is sitting on front seat.

Teacher: What is short form of Maximum.
Santa: Mini dad.

Ek sardar: was selling some fruits.
Customer: If i find any insect in fruits then?
Sardar: I will take separate money for that.

Santa is now 60 years old.
He placed bulb instead of candles on cake.
Banta singh: Why you not using candles.
Santa singh: Because it was difficult to add 60 candles. Thats why i added 60 watt bulb.

Sardar ji: Any body has problem with my words?
One person said: I have problem.
Sardarji: You go out. Now any one has any problem.

Santa throwing butter out of window. Why?
Because he wanted to see butterfly.

Most difficult question of the world and santa singh found the answer.
Question: Who came first Egg or child?
Santa singh: Any thing you order first.

Santa took money from his ATM card.
Banta singh: I saw your password.
Santa singh: tell me the password?
Banta singh: it was in astertic stars.
Santa singh: No it was 3465.

Santa and banta USA ke ek church me gaye.
Suddenly ghata baja and light chali gayi.
Santa: Banta bhag undertaker aa gaya.

Banta to santa: Your friend is kissing your wife.
Santa rushed to his home.
half an hour later he came and slpped banta: He is not my friend.

One english men asked sardarji: How do you do?
Sardarji: We open and do the do.

Santa singh: What is meaning of "I Love You"
Girl: Mai tumshe pyaar karti hu.
Santa singh: Are tu to mujshe pyaar kar bhethi pagali.

Santa singh was the true music lover.
When her girlfriend was in bathroom. He was listening from the keyhole.

Santa was taking grammer class.
If more then one mouse is mice then more then two spouse is spice.

Santa: Waiter ek mast chai pila do jo hila ke rakh de.
Waiter: We have cows milk not rakhi sawant milk.

Santa proposed to girl i love you.
Girl showed her sleepers.
Santa: Sorry i don't kne that you are deaf.

Santa singh: I got married because i was tired of making food, cleaning.
banta singh: I got divorce for the same.

Santa took a loan for bike and bank took away because he was unable to pay.
Santa if i had knew this before. I might had taken for my wife too.

Banta: Baba meri biwi bahut pareshan karti hai.
Koi upaay batao?
Santa sadhu: Beta koi upay hota to mai sadhu kyo banta?

Banta singh: can you stop barking our dog in backyard?
Santa simple: Put it into front yard.

Sardarji aapke dost ki death ho gayi aap aaye kyo nahi?
Usne mujhe bulaya hi nahi.

Why banta was writing exam in door.
because it was entrance door.

Banta: Tell 3 fastest means of communications?
Santa: Telephone, TV, And Tell a women.

How you recognize banta son in school.
Teacher was erazsing board and he was erasing his note book.

Lady lipton di chai hai?
Banta: mujhe to nahi hai. Par tujhe lipat ne di chah hai to lipat jao.

Marte waqt aadmi ko kya dena chaoge?
Birla cement because cement me jaan hai.

Banta calls to customer care of Air india.
How much time it will take to reach from delhi to amritsar.
Operator: Just a sec sir.
Banta: Thank you.

Santa: Bacha mujhe wo ladki mere piche padi hai.
Banta: Kyo?
Santa: Jab se usse kaha, Dil cheer ke dikha du..tera hi naam hoga
Tab se chaaku le kar piche padi hai.

Satna: Mai bol raha hu.
Banta: Kamal hai itha vi mai bol raha hu.

Post man; I have to come 10km to deliver this.
Banta: Why you came here. You can post this..

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Short One Liner Jokes

Women and childrens
Should women have childrens after 35?
No, 35 childrens are more then enough.

Girls and numbers
Girls are 70% beautiful
Girls are 75% sweet
Girls are 80% sexy
girls are 85% naughty
girls are 90% hot
Girls are 100% lovely
Total 70+75+80+85+90+100 = 420

Husband and wife
Husband to wife: which book you like most?
I like cheque book most.

Waiter and husband
Waiter to customer: Do you like black coffee?
Customer: Which other colour you have?

Girlfriend to boyfriend
Girlfriend: Are you sure you love me?
Boyfriend: Ya, sure i checked the whole list yesterday.


Father drives cars
Boy 1: My father drive car so fast that some people fly away.
Bot 2: My father drive car so fast that all people run away.
Boy 3: My father drives car so fast that " car is in garage and he is in hospital"

Car drives at high speed
Once santa was driving car at 80. After accident he is in ambulance at speed 160.


Work
For whom you work?
For my boss, wife and childrens.

Birthday present
What you want on your birthday? Father asked to boy
Nothing much a radio with sports car.

My father was soo old that history called as present affair.


Teacher and student
If you stop man from beating his donkey. Then what you will say them? Teacher asked to his student.
Student: Brotherly love sir.

Premi premika
Premika premi se: Mai maa banane wali hu?
Premi: Tum thik to ho?
Premika: Haa, mai tumhare dad se shaadi karke tumhari maa banane wali hu.

Drunk in court
Drunk were hauled in court. You are here for drinking.
Drunker: Awesome when we start the next session of drinking sir.

What can you do? Which other people cann't do?
I can read my writing.

Once santa parked his vehicle on fine for parking board.

Once sardarji started washing the basin why??
Because it was written wash basin.

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